I watched green mile movie and i cryED my eyes out.
cryed mostly cross the whole movie.

i`m so sensitive of movies,music,books,pictures everything.
i`m so affected of many things still that has gone more selective during the years.
i think cause they have been wondering about the asperger syndrome too cause asperger people are usually very too sensitive to everything.

black mens words "i`m too tired to carry all worlds suffering, all world pain, cruelty of men.
everyday it feels like having a pieces of glass inside your head. im too tired of that".

i think everyone who have suffered from pain, mental and fysical many years have thinked something like that. that they are tired sometimes.

when my sickness is very bad i think that way. i used to think i`ll killmyself as i was younger now i just feel tired. tired of hurting,sickness how difficult life is when youre feelings are so big and you cannot put them away.

i think in this sociaty where you cannot escape the information, knowledge, people,( if you cannot move to some house in the middle of forest).
i think the people who are sensitive, who are reacting and feeling are even more difficult situation.

this sociaty needs that you have the cability to ignore things, to forget the existense of violence,meanless cruelty, etc. other wise that cability to feel will destroy you.
as i have seen so many people to lost in drugs,alcohol and suicide cause they have been so sensitive, they couldnt manage their feelings, couldnt manage the sadness for human cruelty that they have felted against them and seen on news everyday.

they are many of the lost souls.

kurt cobain said "i just love people and world too much thats why i cannot take it"

if i wouldnt been since i was child in psychiatric care cause other kinds couldnt take my "weirdness" and that i started cry and hurted myself cause they notice it and called me even more names and beated i wouldnt ever get my medicens.

now i`m so in medicines that i feel half i felt when i was kid/teen and my life was hell.
now medicines make me forget the half of the anxious feeligns of a news headline or a crying friend .

but without my senses i wouldnt have had so wonderful, colorful life and i`m now just 22 years old.
without my senses i wouldnt be Bachelor of Culture and Arts, i wouldnt be going to krakows art academy. i wouldnt have felted two amazing loves and have people around me that when i cry they take me to their arms and say "youre special cause you feel so much".

i think i have still learn some coldness and ignorance as this world needs but when the day comes when i lose my child spirit, my love to feelings, world, my hope of love and good people.
if i ever get to those cynical,cold,ignorent people. then i can say i have really losed.
the day when i dont get anxious for news even the a little one and DONT listen them OR think them, after that day i dont feel so much big happyness just to see some nice color of sky or little bird sitting on my balcony.